For the first time in three months I feel that I am not moving at 200 m.p.h. anymore. It has been really nice to be based home rather than in a hotel room and take the time to log all the great footage we produced over the last year for the final edits of the new film in February. I have been logging but I have been living too. Enjoying the simple things like sitting in my hot tub in the morning looking out on a frosty lawn, cooking nice soups and roasts from scratch and crafting some scrap books as creative Christmas presents.
I love Christmas, a time of year when everything slows down. Hibernating even if it is just for a few days, spending time with my boyfriend without an endless steam of emails and calls coming in and looking ahead to the new year. Full of hope and joy.
I can’t wait for the new film to come out in February – the results of many months of hard work. Of course I hope that the film will be a success and I might be able to produce another film in the new year. But as this has been such a hard and in many ways sad year with and some friends facing serious illnesses, and two people close to me dying, what I want more than anything is that in 2008 all of my family and friends will be healthy and well. And I wish that for you too. Health and happiness, sensual magic and joy far greater than you can imagine !
Thank you for supporting me and us. It is really appreciated.
There is a very cool guy who I admire: Mat Fraser, an actor and presenter and the compere of the annual “Night of The Senses”. He is bright and funny and sexy and promotes tirelessly equal (sexual) rights for people with disabilities that he calls provocatively “cripples”. Mat’s physical development has been affected by Thalidomide. Hats off to Mat for portraying disabled people not as victims or charity cases but people with (sexual) needs and desires as anybody else. The adult industry can unfortunately be ageist, racist and discriminating disabled people.
Mat makes sure his voice is heard in the UK erotic and fetish scene as well as in the mainstream media. He co-hosts the BBC website and podcast for disabled people, called “Ouch!”.
He has recorded a song for “cripples at Christmas” which is available as a free download. The lyrics are sharp and witty:
“But think of the normal ones
For they live amongst us, yeah.
Let’s give them our charity at this time
Mustn’t stare, show we care …”
Matt needs downloads to prove his point that this should not be anymore a taboo subject and his recordings should be played on radio. This is where you can download it:
More info on Mat: http://www.matfraser.co.uk
My boyfriend always insists to read the manual before you use a new electrical appliance. I am way too impatient to do that. I learn gadgets by trial and error. My approach might take longer but is not as boring as working your way through instructions that were clumsily translated from Japanese.
A few nights ago I had a play date with myself. I love to do these. Test drive some new toys in the privacy of my sumptuous red boudoir. I played with the small pink “Little Dolly” from Fun Factory. I bought it originally because I though it was the perfect travelling vibrator. Lightweight, silent and with its own striped aluminium case. I played with the speed dial bumping the speed up, up a little more until it felt MMMM really good. Then I pushed one more time and for a slip second it seemed to have stopped and I was gutted assuming the battery had run out just at this decisive moment. But then it started again: pulsing. On. Off. On. Off. And at first I was not sure if I liked it but then it gave me one of my best toygasms ever.
If I had read the manual I would have found out about this function ages ago but then again I love surprises.
Last night I went to a party for the first time in I don’t know how many months. A real house party, not a trade show event. Somewhere to let my hair down without networking like crazy, signing DVDs with one hand and handing out casting flyers with the other. I love the whirlwind of the last few months Barcelona, Berlin, London – meeting hundreds of interesting people and establishing my films in the adult industry as an unusual but permanent fixture.
Last night was different. The theme was “exotic erotic”. My fiend Dominique surely knows how to throw a party.
Coming into the main door you had to navigate through satin veils and the stepped into a red lit hall where you were welcomed with a hand made truffle.
Dom’s lounge was just lit with candles and load of cushions covered the floor. Once I sat down and got comfortable, I didn’t want to move anymore. I started chatting to lots of people about where we are at in our lives right now and how much we all crave the sun and freedom of travelling – stripped bare of all the pressures of being self employed. Time to just breathe and be. Time to really get to know other people and yourself. I miss travelling. But being at this part was like a mini trip to a Thai beach. I could just a bout imagine the orange moon rise and the black sea gently lapping underneath our feet.
It felt so good to just sit down and not rush around like a crazy woman and multi task but just being there with the feeling of happiness and pride of all the times my team and me managed to create in the last year.
I bumped into Suzanne Portnoy who has written “the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker” about her sexual adventures as a single highly sexed and adventurous woman living in London. Soon we forgot that we were not that that kind of party and chatted for hours about our favourite topic: sex. Which toys we like and why, what pushes our sensual buttons and what turns us off. The people around us catching tiny snippets of our conversations were taken aback: the guys jaws dropped and the girls shared in with giggles and saucy details of what makes them tick.
Even though I was really tired by 1.30 am I had a dance to some pumping house classics and it felt great to just move to the music. Don’t think. Just dance. And smile.