Sexism works both ways and that both genders lose if we remain stuck in rigid roles with no room to play, grow and develop. I had an email from a young guy that really touched me and brought home how much some men hate the fact that they do not feel physically desired by women. The assumption still prevails that a naked men or a penis is supposed to be “ugly” and undesirable -unless you are gay. The guy who wrote to me craves to be an object of female desire. He wrote:
“I am a 18 year old male from Italy . I have a big question: are women visual or not ? And can they be sexually stimulated by a good formed male body? It makes me very sad when I read that men are visual but women are emotional, men watch porn but women don’t. I also feel very sad when I see women wear sexy clothes but men don’t do it themselves. Do women really only enjoy stroking and romantic, emotional things and the male body shape does not turn them on? It is a very bad feeling for me that my girlfriend does not care about my body, even if I am totally nude in front of her. I love and am attracted to every cell in her body, from her head to her toes plus I adore her soul. It is a really bad feeling that as men we are considered the less attractive and ‘lower’ creatures. I hope not every woman thinks like this. I didn’t find anyone to ask except you and I know that you will be honest with me…”
I think it is about time for women to be allowed to occasionally look at men as “guy candy”. Women can enjoy being the voyeurs and men can get a taste of what it is like to feel desired. Voyeurism does not have to be exploitative or degrading towards the objects of desire. This is why in my films “Female Fantasies” and “Feeling it!” I feature a solo male masturbation scene. It is fascinating to see how each guy is unique and touches himself in his own special way. I like watching men in action and from the feedback I get from my female audience many women enjoy this rare pleasure as well. Especially the straight women are bored always being presented lots of female masturbation. They want to see guys because that is what turns them on. I think that a lot of men would enjoy being able to be in the role of the ‘object’ at least sometimes rather than being the predator all the time and not feeling desired or appreciated. So I told the young man that yes, women DO desire men physically. But until now there has not been much for us to look at (except gay porn). Most women like male bodies. My personal favourites (apart from the obvious) are: the lips, the chest, the hands and the bum. I love it when my boyfriend wiggles his ass for me when he walks up the stairs in front of me. And it annoys me that if anyone spotted us this would be considered as ‘weird’. If any of you guys out there are wondering whether you should, I’d say: go on, knock yourself out and do a strip for her or let her watch you whilst you are working out, have a shower or play with yourself. If we are able to switch roles sometimes then we will become more liberated and flexible. The shame is over and that goes for women and men.
I have just returned form the most exciting weekend in Amsterdam. I had been invited by the team of “Mail and Female”, an excellent female-run sex shop to do a presentation on how to make your own creative porn. The workshop was for ‘women only’ and was fully booked within a few days. 45 women came to be inspired and empowered and I am glad to be able to pass on my knowledge as a film-maker as well as my personal experience as a female director in a still hugely male-dominated industry. There are tips and insights you don’t learn at film school and I gladly support other women who are just setting out to produce their vision of female erotica. Only when 50% of (adult) films are made by women we will head towards a more balanced representation of male and female desires. We have a long way to go yet.
I want to thank the team from “Mail and Female” for inviting me and all the women who came and shared their thoughts and ideas. I hope that some exciting short films will be created as a result of my workshop and the aspiring director’s creativity.
There was a massive media frenzy that surrounded my visit. I cannot remember how many interviews I gave exactly but it was a real buzz to go to the newsagent on Monday and pick up the newspapers. The lovely team from “Mail and Female” and I were featured on the front page and in a huge full colour spread in two leading newspapers. We were also featured on various TV channels. It is great that the message that many women do like explicit erotic films is finally heard and seen.
What surprises me about the press is that they tend to portray all female pornographers as the same. But the truth is that even though some of us share a similar vision or visual style, we are all completely different and unique.: There are female directors out there who break the porn rules and focus on female pleasure and find new ways to show orgasms. Others produce porn that follows the mainstream rules – including the obligatory money shot at the end of every scene.
It is almost as if the media tries to keep us in check by putting us in a box labelled “female pornographers” and we are supposed to all like and do the same things. But in reality we are individuals with varying tastes and styles. I welcome the great variety that women currently produce and would appreciate if journalist took the time to actually view the films of directors they write about. This would enable them to understand and appreciate how different our visions of erotica are and that the gender of the director will not necessarily produce a certain style. There are many different women out there with varying erotic tastes. It is about time that they all can find food for thought.