A False Start

Today was not a good day. My car blew up on the motorway and I had to be towed home. It was the first car I spent more than a few hundred pounds on and it did not even last a year. I was only grateful that I was able to pull over onto a nearby hard shoulder. Otherwise the consequences could have been horrible. As the engine is ruined now this will be a very expensive repair or I have to buy a replacement car as soon as possible. One way or another it means an unexpected expense at a time where I need literally every penny for the new film production.

Then I came home to an email to Joerg who I had cast in Germany and had high hopes for as one of the gorgeous male players of my new film. He had only now gotten a chance to view my first film “Sexual Sushi” – his reaction to my first film was harsh criticism. He felt that “it looks like not a lot of money was spent on it”, “the performers were not attractive” and that “the sex scenes were very upfront, limited to too few body parts and the activity of the performers stressed him”. I was stunned.

What did he expect? Yes I DO produce porn films with erections and penetrations rather than soft-core films. If he had seen a bit of average mainstream porn, he would realise how little hard-core activity Sushi actually shows and how different my way of lighting, shooting and editing is. He showed the film to three of his male flatmates and they shared his criticism – a surprising experiment as clearly my films are made for women and couples and not the average single man.

He still wanted to appear in my film but I realised after his profound criticism that he does neither truly understand nor support my concept. I need to work with people who trust me as a director. Trust into my creative vision and that I will look after them as a person as much as a performer. I will always honour someone’s personal preferences when it comes to the sex and welcome and thrive on constructive input of my team members in developing a play scene together. But if I shoot with six performers in an expensive hired location it is simply impossible for me as the director, camerawoman and stills photographer to get involved into detailed discussions about my way to direct and shoot.

So I decided not to take the co-operation with Joerg further. I simply feared dramas on the shoot when we all should be working together, supporting each other – an atmosphere where creativity can flow freely. The quest for the ideal male part-time porn performer continues…


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