My heart is pounding and my mouth dry. I take my seat in the sold-out cinema. The vibe in the cinema is electric (or does it just feel like this to me?) This is the night. The night my performers and I have been waiting for: it is the premiere of “(S)he Comes” on a big screen in front of a real, big and bustling audience.
One of the curators of the Pornfilmfest introduces us and the movie starts. Even though I have seen my film literally hundreds of times when I was editing it, mixing and remixing the sound and approving all the colour-grading, this is a completely different experience. Everything is magnified on the big screen and by the reactions of the audience.
I am a perfectionist and true to form I see and hear some technical glitches and flaws that I did not spot on the small screen in my edit suite. I am re-editing and re-mixing some shots in my head. But then I become aware of some positive audience reactions – The viewers who see this film for the first time and focus on the sex magic rather than the half empty plastic cup of bubbly I had forgotten to clear from the background before we started rolling. I am getting into my own film and see it as a viewer rather than the maker.
There are some funny moments I had forgotten, like when Wolf Hudson prances around stark-naked in eight-inch high, shiny red PVC boots that go up to his ass in front of an approving Jiz Lee and Liandra Dahl, before Jiz leads him off by his cock. The audience laughs with me. Then there is the magic moment when Cora Emens has a whole body orgasm with Surji and tantric sparks fly off the screen, the audience erupts into spontaneous applause. I hold Cora’s hand, we look at each other and smile and I think can feel a few tears of joy coming on from both of us. We set out to create something special; a different and true depiction of a mature woman living out her sexuality freely with passion and without shame and the audience can see and feel this. Mission accomplished. Cora and I are beaming with happiness. It feels great to be understood and appreciated. It is the audience I make my films for. Without them, my films would exist in a self-satisfying vacuum and apart from me enjoying creating them, they would be superfluous.
The screening ends to big applause and most cinema guests stay for the Q&A with my performers (or players as I like to call them) Cora Emens, Surj, Sasha Rouge, Marco D and Jiz Lee. I feel honoured that some of my performers have travelled here to Berlin with me from all over the world, just to be here for this screening, face our audience and celebrate our creative venture. It means in many ways just as much to them as it does to me. This is what happens when you create something for the love of it. I always felt that my players, crew and me are a kind of creative, kinky family. We stay connected long after filming ends. We are friends for life.
Then there is the bigger family that meets once a year at the amazing event that is the Pornfilmfest Berlin. An event that gives so many interesting people from all over the world the chance to share their work but also to network, celebrate and create new pieces of art. The Pornfilmfest makers curate and create the event with an eye on what pushes the genre further and brings the community together and not what would generate the biggest profit.
This year was the ninth Pornfilmfest and I am proud to say that I went to the very first Pornfilmfest in 2005 to show my films “Sexual Sushi” and “Female Fantasies”. We travelled to Berlin as a big posse and had a wild time. As a surprise to the players, I booked us all a limo that took us round Berlin before our big screening. En route to the cinema we stopped at the Brandenburger gate and took some great shots (all girls fully dressed and Marc Cuirass in a skirt with his cock hanging out). I have been to the Pornfilmfest many times since but this year was extra special to me as I am celebrating the tenth birthday of my film production company.
What better present could I have received than two sold out screenings at the Movimento cinema and a very warm welcome from the wonderful organisers of the film festival and multi-cultural, -gender and
-generational audience alike?
We are a family indeed.
A family we all chose to belong to.
A family that is inclusive, supportive and ever-growing.
Come and join us if you like, you are more than welcome!