I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about how hard she’s finding her relationship. Part of the problem is that they’ve been together for quite a long time and are monogamous. He’s not interested in negotiating any other kind of relationship and, frankly, she’s starting to go a bit crazy! Having spent years having a lot of fun and enjoying polyamorous relationships before she met him, she decided she wanted something with more of an emotional connection and committed to an exclusive relationship. At first she enjoyed the sexual and emotional exclusiveness but now she feels she cannot be truly herself in this relationship any longer. Even though she loves him, she has some sexual needs that she cannot live out with her partner. He does not want her to live out her kinkier desires with other lovers and she finds it impossible to repress those desires any longer. Until recently she has been ‘paying’ for the emotional security that the relationship offers with her freedom, having had to neglect parts of her sexual self in order to keep him happy and the relationship going.
This got us talking and me thinking about how important it is to be able to make choices about the kind of unique relationships you want, rather than being coerced into the kind society thinks is ‘normal’ and acceptable. I’m a big fan of the book The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy, which is a classic for anyone interested in open relationships and how we can achieve sexual and personal freedoms whilst treating all the people we relate to with the utmost respect and honesty that everyone deserves.
One of the important ideas at the heart of this book is that everyone is an individual responsible for their own happiness, and that while we can have deep, loving connections with people, no-one should be responsible for someone else’s happiness. This approach to relationships is one that values everyone as strong, independent individuals rather than suggesting people are incomplete and need someone else to make them whole. This is especially relevant for women, who have been, and sadly often still are, conditioned to sacrifice their own life goals and autonomy in favour of romantic relationships. Not only that, but conventional opinion often encourages these sacrifices, positing emotional dependence as the only ‘right’ and ‘natural’ way to love another human being.
Of course this just isn’t true! It’s completely possible to be a strong, satisfied individual and to choose to love someone just because they’re so wonderful – in fact this must be the best way to love – out of choice rather than need! A relationship as the icing on the cake of our happiness rather than our emotional ‘bread and butter’. As my friend is currently finding out, love and sex can be two very different things. They don’t necessarily come together and can’t always be satisfied by the same person. Often we live out completely different facets of our sexuality with different people. And many of our fantasies involve multiple lovers.
Loads of the fantasies shared with me by my female audience involve some form of group sex. I enjoy turning these female fantasies into reality for my performers in my films: in Female Fantasies a woman is licked to orgasm by two skilled male lovers at once and in The Female Voyeur there’s a sumptuous, exotic orgy with sex slaves all pleasuring the women. These are the sorts of things so many women dream about that just aren’t possible if people aren’t allowed to think outside the monogamy box once they are in a relationship! And when you start to explore other options, dreams really can come true.
This is why I think challenging the cultural dominance of monogamy is an important part of female liberation. It’s not to say that some women depending on their situation or needs won’t want to choose a monogamous relationship anyway – I’ve been very happy in my monogamous relationship for years – but that often they don’t really get to make an active choice about it. The films I make are all focused on allowing women to be honest about what they want and what turns them on – and sometimes that just isn’t monogamy. As my despairing friend said to me, sex is like eating ice cream: strawberry is her favourite flavour but she doesn’t want to eat it all the time. Sometimes she wants other flavours she knows she likes, or to try new ones, and every once in a while she wants a giant sundae with whipped cream and a cherry on top!
In fact, her sweet tooth is so strong that eventually she did start to sample some other sexual flavours again, and her taste buds are tingling. But where normally she would be happy and blossoming if she had such an abundance of love and sex, the experience is tainted with an enormous sense of guilt – not because she’s enjoying sex with several people, but because she’s lying to her partner about it. It’s a tricky situation; she knows no matter what she says to reassure him he won’t give her the freedom she needs to be happy. She loves him very much and fears that her honesty would mean losing him. And this is the downside of a society that refuses to discuss or accept other relationship options: if you feel you cannot live with monogamy you are left with the choice to either end your exclusive relationship, or to live out your fantasies behind your partner’s back and lie. So in this case, he is still experiencing the very thing he can’t stand the thought of, he just is not aware what is going on. She can neither fully enjoy her sexuality (with other lovers) or her intimate, loving relationship with her partner without feeling guilty. It’s a lose-lose situation, and one that would really benefit from some openness and honesty. All involved deserve to know what is going on so they can make an informed choice about what kind of relationship they want to live. Maybe the needs of my friend her partner are just not compatible any longer – even if they still love each other…
To love polyamorously does not mean doing whatever you want without any care for others – that’s where the ‘ethical’ part of Dossie and Janet’s book comes in. They spend most of the book discussing communicating, compromising and caring for your partners and yourself, and recognise that all open relationships are going to take hard work and can and will be subject to bouts of jealousy and insecurity. The irony is that by refusing people their desires – as my friend’s boyfriend has – you often might end up more hurt than if you had been willing to give your partner the freedom they desire. She has now betrayed his trust in a way that might eventually destroy their relationship for good…
Monogamous, polyamorous, single or partnered – love and relationships are always difficult seas to navigate, but we should all have the freedom to live and love in whatever way we wish, whether that means having sex five times a day or never, with one person or with dozens. And with that in mind, I hope my friend finds a way to resolve her dilemma soon and live as the ice-cream-loving ethical slut I know she truly is!
Boobs are getting a lot of press at the moment, between the new movement to ban The Sun’s Page 3 almost-nude photo, and the furore over Kate Middleton’s topless sunbathing. Both stories show how far we have not travelled.
The Sun began featuring an image of a topless model on Page 3 of its daily newspaper in 1970. Over the years, several attempts to ban this practice have failed. In August, author and actor Lucy-Anne Holmes began her ‘No More Page 3’ campaign. Her petition on Change.org is gathering signatures fast. Holmes is hoping that the tide of social opinion is ready to turn.
The problem with Page 3 is that it sexualises women generally. A naked woman is not a news story. It simply panders to a male reader’s sexual desires. How it makes the women feel, sitting on either side of him on a packed commuter train, is often different. Objectifying women in a newspaper reinforces the notion that all women are sexually available at all times and are ultimately “sluts”. It’s perhaps not the right media in which to address sexual desire.
I don’t think Page 3 should be banned – that’s yet another form of censorship – but it is outdated. If Britain is an equal society, and The Sun insists on printing semi-naked women each day, then where are the semi-naked men? Does only 50 percent of the population deserve to be titillated?
At least The Sun’s models are choosing to pose (and are getting paid) for appearing topless. Kate most certainly is not. But a naked celebrity is, it seems, newsworthy. And the higher up the social scale a woman is regarded, the greater the scandal when topless images (or worse) appear. This takes us back to the old dichotomy of women being either “whores” or “madonnas”, when in fact we are somewhere in between and our personalities are multi-faceted.
I think it is great that Kate enjoys sunbathing semi nude. I do too and sunbathe in my birthday suit whenever I can. I like to feel the warm rays all over my body and never mind about pesky strap marks! I took my kit off once for a Marie Claire story on female body confidence, but I would be very pissed off if images of me sunbathing naked in my garden were taken surreptitiously and plastered all over the tabloids and the Internet. I value my privacy and want to be in control of what I share with the world.
The Palace seemed to react faster to, and with greater condemnation of, publication of images of Kate topless, than to images of Prince Harry naked (and apparently having sex on cam) that appeared just a few weeks earlier. Perhaps the scandal was all the greater because Harry is just “one of the lads, letting off steam” (one of the prerogatives of men are in our society), whereas Kate’s reputation was unblemished and as a female expectations of “decency” are so much higher. Now she too has been sexualised.
I don’t envy Kate – A clotheshorse for British fashion houses, and one of the most photographed women in the world, must she always be judged for her looks rather than her brain? Kate did nothing wrong. Her privacy was violated. Now everyone knows that she is human, like the rest of us.
I was shocked to learn that apparently in the last 10 years the number of women who had through the surgery on their vagina to minimise their labia (labiaplasty) has increased fivefold. Last year, 2000 women had the surgery done on the NHS. And this is just the tip of the iceberg, as there is no data available as to how many women had this surgery done privately.
Sarah Creighton, a clinical gynaecologist at the University College London Hospital, states that there is a massive increase in teenagers and young women who request this surgery even though they have perfectly normal and healthy vaginas. Creighton and clinical psychologist Lih-Mei Liao confirm that one of the reasons why so many women think their vagina is “not normal” is because there are hardly any images of normal vaginas published anywhere that women could look at for reassurance.
Porn usually shows one kind of vagina with very small inner labias, almost like the vagina of a child. I realized how taboo the average vagina of a fully-grown woman is in porn when during the screening of my film “the Female Voyeur” there were gasps in the audience when the full and large inner labia of one of my performers becomes visible. I was surprised because that is how my pussy and the pussy of a lot of my girlfriends looks too.
I got the information on the increase in labiaplasties from the centerfold project. This project created a fantastic animated film about three women who had labiplasties. The film, directed by Ellie Land, features genuine interviews and illustrates these with animated pictures. It is an eye-opener as it makes clear that labiaplasty is no small cosmetic procedure and no quick fix as one of the women who had the procedure hates her pussy just as much as before.
Maybe this woman might have chosen not to have the painful procedure if they had seen the wonderful variety of pussies as documented in the fantastic ground-breaking photo book “Das Tor ins Leben” (The Gate to Life) by Grit Scholz. Or maybe the monumental sculpture “The Great Wall of Vagina” featuring the casts of 400 vaginas from all over the world can inspire other women to love their own unique vagina just the way it is rather than going under the knife. The sculpture features small and large labias, tiny and big clits, pubes and shaved skin – the variety is wonderful. And I am proud to say that one of the many pussies in this sculpture is mine.
Sadly the quest for the ‘perfect pussy’ can come at a high price: Sarah Creighton warned in an article in the British Medical Journal that “Incision to any part of the genitalia could compromise sensitivity!” Don’t risk losing sensitivity in your biggest erogenous zone just for the ‘perfect’ trimmed look but enjoy your pussy in all its magnificence.
The sun has just come out and I have nipped to the garden to feel the warm rays all over my body. I love being nude especially in the sun and sea – it makes me feel free. It is such a shame that there are so few places where it is Ok to be nude. Having grown up in Germany, I was used to nude mixed gender saunas. It was a shock when I walked into an all female sauna in London for the first time in the nude and all the other women were dressed in bathing suits. I learnt that nudity was not optional but forbidden – even in an all female environment.
In my gym’s female changing room the women wrap behind their towels when they take their clothes off and kids run around covering their bits in shame. I have fond memories of playing naked on the beach as a kid, blissfully unaware that this could be taboo, bad, wrong. Nowadays there is no nudist beach near where I live and as an adult I would be committing an offence if I took my kit off in full view of other bathers. So I swim out in my bikini and take it off when I am far out, so I can feel the sea over my body. It is incredible what a difference a tiny bit of material makes when it covers some of the most sensitive parts of your body. When you remove it, it awakens you senses and sets you free.
Not many of us are happy in our own skin. Many women and men feel extremely uncomfortable when naked. Women tend to compare their bodies with the much publicised images of models’ bodies that have been airbrushed to perfection. And because our bodies do not look like theirs, many of us choose to cover up rather than strip off.
Male nudity is an even greater taboo: Unless you go to a museum to look at ancient paintings or statues, we hardly ever see a nude man. Men’s bodies are mostly hidden. Even in most porn we do not see many the male bodies but usually just dismembered hard (and never flaccid) cocks. Even though magazines could publish shots of naked men as long as the ‘angle of the dangle’ is no greater than 45 degrees, we just do not see men in the buff. We see steeled torsos and abs on the cover of fitness magazines and that is it.
This is why I love the JUNGSHEFT which features photos of real men (in all shapes and sizes) fully nude with flaccid, semi erect and erect cocks. Women have a lot of catching up to do in looking at nude men. We all have plenty of experiences in being looked at. It is enjoyable to turn the tables and be the observer for a change.
Nudity has been sexualised. Female nudity is used to sell products and male nudity usually appears only in porn. But nudity does not have to be sexual but can be a way to reclaim our bodies and be body-positive – lumps bumps and all. I love to hang out with other nude people who are also comfortable in their own skin. At the small hippy festivals I visit in the summer, there are large groups of naked people sitting in a field, enjoying music and the sun – all of us reclaiming our birthright.
I find it unbelievable that the naked rambler has been sent to prison simply for enjoying taking hikes in the buff. How come it is such a huge offence not to wear clothes in public? Why do we have to lock a naked hiker up as if he were a criminal? Some brave non-conformists pay a very high price for their ideals. In order to defend their freedom, they lose it and get locked up.
This is why groups like the “naked vegan cooking” and events like the world-wide “naked bike ride” are so important. We do not want to restrict our freedom to be nude to our own four walls but want to be free outdoors too. We do not want to hide our bodies or be sexualised the moment we appear naked in public. Who needs fig leaves when there is nothing to be ashamed of?
What is it about cross-dressing men that creates such a fuss?
Alex Reid’s photo in drag (dressed up for a Fetish party) was front page news in the UK tabloids. He was called a “freaky gay… doing sick things” by his ex’s new boyfriend Leonardo Penna. He is now and forever referred to as a cross dresser, nudge, nudge, wink, wink – as if that discredits him for any professional achievements (in the oh so macho world of cage fighting) or sexual relationships with women. In chat rooms he is called “disgusting” and women tweet that “they like their men to look like men”.
But what does a real man look like? Do we really want to limit acceptable looks of the male gender to muscle mass and body hair? What is wrong with a guy who enjoys cross-dressing, wearing make-up or generally embracing his femininity?
In the mainstream media gender-bending women are considered “cool” and “sexy”. Lady Gaga’s alter ego Joe Calderone made positive headlines. But the androgynous model Andrej Pejic who walked in both men’s and women’s fashion shows for Jean Paul Gaultier, has been called “a thing” in FHM magazine. It is not surprising that a lad’s mag, firmly rooted in a world where “real men” rule and women are the only accepted objects of desire, can not handle a person with a male birth certificate and a feminine look. Pejic is strong and proud and refuses to be labelled in any shape or form.
In a recent interview with the New York Magazine he said: “I choose to leave my gender open to artistic interpretation. I just want to look like me. It just so happens that some of the things I like are feminine.”
Andrej also refuses to define his sexuality but confirms that straight men always hit on him (assuming he is female) and that a lot of “wild girls” who are bi-curious like him. He leaves it up to our imagination what turns him on.
The golden rule that men need to be “real men” or super macho is never more obvious than in straight porn. Men have to be tough and rough and always in control. They want to fuck her up the ass but will not even take a finger, let alone a strap-on up their bum on camera. The prostate is one of the biggest erogenous zone for men, yet in straight porn it is largely taboo. Male bisexuality is another massive taboo in mainstream porn. We see usually how two men “do a woman” and shake hands with their mate when the “spit roast” her but they make dam sure that they don’t touch each other anywhere in a sensual way. Not just penetration but also oral sex or just kissing and stroking are strictly forbidden.
In the world of mainstream porn it is as if sexuality is always clear-cut: there are the hetero pumpers and grinders or the gay porn studs. You have to choose. There is nothing in between. This does not just limit male but also female experimentation and pleasure. Guys are not allowed to play and women are not supposed to get off on a guy in a skirt or two guys getting it on. In reality many of my female friends and I find nothing hotter. Cue Buck Angel (The man with a pussy) who as is the object or desire for loads of women and men who mostly refuse to label or limit their sexual orientation or gender definition in any way. Ambiguity is exciting and arousing. If we cannot cross boundaries and strip ourselves of labels in sex and porn, where can we be free and fluid? Hostility towards gender-bending cements out-dated, sexist gender roles and limits our growth and fun.
Andrej Pejic understands that a man who is in touch with femininity and pushes negative buttons actually reveals a lot about underlying gender discrimination – of women. He says: “In this society, if a man is called a woman, that’s the biggest insult he could get.” And then he asks the question that hits the nail on the head: “Is that because women are considered something less?”
Oh, the joys of working in the adult industry. Every month I receive a new edition of some of the adult trade magazines. Usually most items featured in these mags amuse or mildly annoy me. But sometimes they feature some stuff that really disturbs me.
On the front cover of the current issue of the “Sign” magazine are various “Realistic ‘fuck me silly’ Masturbators” which are basically dismembered female body parts with holes in them made of silicone.
I have no problems with genital toys such as cocks or pussies. Full size sex androids also exist in male and female form and I think: OK, each to their own. But some of the female body parts-cum-masturbators I find slightly unsettling. If not the product alone, it is usually the ad blurb that gives the misogynist attitude of the toy producers away.
Take the “Fuck me silly 3” which is an ass and pussy with extra long legs and feet.
On the producer’s website it says:
“You’ve always dreamt of fucking a long-legged beauty like this, so what are you waiting for? Take your fuck slut out of the box, push play on the hardcore DVD, get out the free lube, and pound that bitch ’til you Fuck Her Silly! This mega masturbator is the most realistic and lifelike lower half of a woman ever developed! You’ll swear it’s just like fucking the real thing – only better! She’s warm, tight, super-soft, and always ready for action! With over 20 lbs of super-soft Fanta-flesh engulfing and massaging your cock, this is the only woman you’ll ever need. When you’re done, blow a load deep inside her ass or pussy”
Another masturbator is a voluptuous bum with anus and vagina. The blurb reads:
“Slap that big round ass and listen to the whack – it sounds and feels just like a real ass! Spread her cheeks, ram her tight little asshole, and fill her with every inch of your man meat! Now, flip the slut over on her back and her perfect pink pussy lips are spread eagle and begging for your dick! She’s warm, she’s tight, and she NEVER says no! No commitments, no bullshit, and no worries about knocking her up.”
Apart from tailor-made torsos for any guys fetish – be it bum, breasts or legs and feet, the producer, pipedream has also created some Frankenstein like masturbators:
There is a pair of breasts with a pussy in between them or a tongue right next to the vagina. I find them comical but also kind of alienating. It gives me nightmares of bizarre sexual plastic surgery procedures to come… just like in the “Human Centipede” movies (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_centipede) where humans are stitched together mouth-to-anus for the sexual pleasure of a demented surgeon. The theme of this horror porn seems to be: make them swallow someone else’s shit – that will shut them up!
A lot of men seem really pissed off with women saying “No” to being “rammed, slapped, and begging for dicks” (how dare we?) which might be the reason that most of the masturbators are currently sold out. I guess we are being heard when the fact that women know what they want has entered the mind of the male masturbator salesmen.
I recently came across an article in The Guardian called “The Naked Truth” taking a strong stance against pubic hair removal.
The author Bidisha wrote:
“Women can now expose their pipi to the breeze from now until the day they die. Great. Why would they want to? If porn told you to jump off a cliff, would you do that too? At least now we can confront the naked truth about women’s submissiveness in all its stark, raw, bald reality.”
While it is true that nowadays in porn most performers (female and male) are shaved, I think it is taking it a bit far making out that all shaved, waxed or plucked women blindly follow what porn dictates. It is the kind of patronising feminism I despise – making out that whatever women do, they just do to please men. It is the kind of feminism that claims that most women do not think for themselves but are sheep who conform to fashion trends or male desires without thinking. It also claims that women could not possibly, ever, in a million years CHOOSE to have no pubic hair. The author continues her judgemental rant:
“Will a woman really do everything she can to meet every passing fad, even if it’s uncomfortable, time-consuming, irritating, expensive, troubling, humiliating? And look at the reward: intercourse with a porn-adoring male who actually loathes women’s real, naked, hairy bodies”
Woah – hold on: who says that getting rid of your pubic hair is “uncomfortable, time-consuming, irritating, expensive, troubling, humiliating” ? I have not had pubic hair for over two decades now. I shave every couple of days in the shower (takes less than a minute, so no big deal) because I swim and exercise a lot and hate nothing more than pubes being caught in some tight spandex. It costs me nothing to de-pube, does not “irritate” me and certainly is not “humiliating”. As for my partner – he loved what he called “a full bush” before we got together but is now used to the smoothness of my pussy.
He certainly is not as Bidisha suggests: “A man who likes a woman without pubic hair despises adult women so much that he wants us to resemble children.” And does not “…stay at home instead in front of a computer, masturbating alone to the hair-free images he reveres.”
Instead he is using a clipper to keep his body hair short and shaves his balls for ME as I complained about pubes being stuck between my teeth when I go down on him.
I think everyone should choose if they want to have pubes or not. Whatever makes you happiest. I am certainly flexible during my film shoots on what hairstyle the performers wear down south.
I never see my performers naked before the shoot. I prefer it if the guys keep their pubes on their balls short so you see more of the cock and so that the girls don’t get a mouthful of them. But I would not dream of dictating to the performers in my films to shave or wax completely. So you see a mixture of pubic hair styles in my films. Some are shaved (because those performers prefer it that way) and some are more natural and bushy and some others are in-between. It is all about your personal taste.
In fact, 70’s-style porn where wild and bushy pubes flourish is experiencing a new revival. I am all for variety. It is all about choice: The pressure to let it all grow out is just as bad as the pressure to shave.
Pubes or no pubes? YOU decide.
I have been saddened by the recent news of women dying due to botched plastic surgery.
20-year-old Claudia Aderotimi from the UK died in the States after (illegally performed) silicone injections into her buttocks. The surgery was performed by non-licensed practitioners in an ordinary (non- sterile) hotel room. Claudia died 24 hours later because the silicone that was meant to increase her butt actually got into her bloodstream and shut down her respiratory system.
Only six months before Claudia’s death the 22 year old Mayra Lissette Contreras also died in the States of an illegal injection of silicone into the buttocks. New York cosmetic surgeon Dr. Michael Kane told CBS news at the time:
“Stories like this are all too common. Every year someone dies in this country from illegal silicone injections. These buttock injections are usually done by unlicensed people, because I don’t know any licensed professional who would inject large amounts of silicone into the body.”
But the problem is that even if women book a fully licensed doctor for their surgeries a risk remains: they might lose their life.
Carolin Berger – a German adult performer better known as “Sexy Cora” – died during her sixth(!) boob job. It is believed she suffered two cardiac arrests after her breasts were enlarged from an F to a G cup. She had wanted to increase the size of her silicone breast enhancements from 500g to 800g (28oz) each.
Currently the anesthesiologist and the surgeon who performed the operation at the Alster plastic surgery clinic in Germany are being investigated on suspicion of negligent homicide.
Browsing the web for images to do with plastic surgery I came across a disturbing image ‘Syringe’ by Dorian Cleavenger: a woman on an operating table is hooked up to a blood transfusion and drip and whilst her body is pierce with countless syringes she masturbates. It is kind of surgery porn. On his website Cleavenger writes that the picture “…represents that adornment of ones body can be a way of self expression. It can also be a way of controlling your sanity and keeping ‘pierce’ of mind.”
I am all pro-choice that every person should look like they want but find it difficult to understand why someone would go repeatedly through the pain, expense and risks that any surgery implies.
When I recently had three kidney surgeries under general anesthetics I cried before every surgery like a baby because I was so terrified that I would not wake up. And even after I woke up the nightmare was not over yet – I was in A LOT of pain that even a drip full of morphine could not keep in check. The various catheters coming out of my body and collecting body fluids in various bags were also awful. So I cannot get my head around the fact that someone would voluntarily go through the pain and face the risks of surgery.
I am now in my late forties and accept that my body is changing and that even if I did spend a lot of money and time on having wrinkles ironed out or fat deposits removed, to recapture a youthful look would be an endless task. The body continues to change and age and to force it to change its shape or stay forever young comes with a hefty price tag: a lot of pain and the danger of permanent disfigurement or even death. I am vain, but not vain enough to pay that price.
To me, attractiveness and sexiness comes from individuality. I hate nothing more than the cloned bimbo look with surgically enhanced breasts, lips and face. To me this kind of look speaks for a lack of confidence and I find that unattractive and unsexy.
When I look at the casting questionnaires the first ones that end up on the “reject pile” are the ones that had lots of plastic surgery and conform to a certain look. I am interested in women and men that are unique and confident individuals who enjoy giving and receiving pleasure and are not fussed how they look during orgasm. What good is a wrinkle-free face if there is no light in the eyes, what good is G cup breast or 12 inch cock if you do not consider yourself worth much without those assets?
“Before I turn 67 – next March – I would like to have a lot of sex with a man I like. If you want to talk first, Trollope works for me.”
This ad was published in a literature journal by language teacher Jane Juska – a woman in her late sixties who reclaimed her body and rediscovered her sexuality without taboos and then wrote a book about her adventures.
What a joy it was when I recently discovered her book “A Round-Heeled Woman”. It was refreshing, exciting and inspiring to read about her sexual adventures – some of them with men in their eighties some with men in their thirties. Sexual chemistry knows no age – sparks can fly any time when a young mind in an old body is attracted to an old mind in a young body or vice versa.
Jane is a woman who, based on common perception, is ‘past it’ and is not supposed to have a sex life any longer. MILFS are cool and sexy, grandmothers allegedly ‘disgusting’. There are so many taboos in sex and porn – age is just one of them. Porn likes to turn silver sex into a grotesque spectacle: People, especially women over 50 having sex are being portrayed as unattractive ‘freaks’ in countless low budget gonzo films. Attractive young women and men are being ‘punished’ by having to fuck someone with wrinkles and grey hair. People reduced to their bodies and in the case of old bodies to worthless meat – past the ‘sell by date’.
What a shame. This is why I was really excited when I heard about “Cloud Nine” a German/French art-house film featuring explicit silver sex. The film features a strong heroine who is bored in her dull marriage and starts having a passionate affair with another man. I applaud the director for his guts to show real sex between older people. But I was dissapointed because the sex they had was very limited (hardly any oral, no toys or lube but mainly missionairy quickies when many woman over sixty have told me about the kegel exercisers, toy selection and huge repertoire of pleasurable sex techniques). What upset me most about the film is that it all ends in tears: The heroine leaves her husband to be with her lover. The husband then promply kills himself and the woman is then trapped in her grief and gut-wrenching guilt. Why is it that in so many art-house movies that feature explicit sex, there is drama, depression and death – as if the protagonists have to pay for daring to make their sexual fantasies come true? This is why Jane Juska’s book is so inspiring and uplifting – even though some of her lovers have the power to upset her, the book ends on a high when she heads off to meet her 30 year old lover in a log cabin and both look really forward to a romantic and kinky reunion – against all odds.
I like a challenge and maybe one day – perhaps when I am in my sixties – I will shoot a really exciting and erotic silver porn.
On the 7.2.2010, a “pro-life” ad ran on one of the most-watched televised events in the USA – the Super Bowl. The ad’s theme: football star Tim Tebow was once a fetus whose birth posed significant medical risks to his mother. A doctor advised her to abort the child. She, obviously, did not. And guess what? Her son is now a star athlete and sporting hero of the nation. She calls him her “miracle baby”.
On the surface the ad that was created by the “focus on the family” charity simply promotes motherly love and family values. Not once is the term “abortion” mentioned. But the subtitles of the ad tell a different story: “You should never abort your baby even if its health or your health is at risk. even if you might die because of the pregnancy or at birth. You never know – you child and your might pull through and the sick baby might grow up to become a national icon.” What the ad fails to address is what happens if the mother does actually die during pregnancy or at birth or if a child is born with severe handicaps that will not allow them to life a healthy, long and fulfilled life.
It is great for the Tebow’s that in their case the story had a happy ending, but that does not mean that abortions for health reasons are “wrong” and going through pregnancy and birth no matter what is the right thing to do.
I’m sure some will make the argument that the “pro life” ad is simply a product of free speech. But part of free speech is that all voices will be heard and presented in a balanced manner. By broadcasting this ad, CBS is making itself known as a station that supports the pro-life argument. Just like when it rejected mancrunch.com’s bid to advertise gay dating this year, it makes a statement that they are opposed to same-sex partnerships. You can be certain that CBS would not air an ad that promotes the right of a woman to choose abortion. The TV stations’ decisions have consequences that reach far and wide. They choose which political messages will be presented in an entertaining context such as the biggest sports event of the year and consequently will reach and influence millions of viewers.
To air the anti-choice ad cost $3 million (donated by an unnamed sponsor) – money that could have been spent helping sick children who are already born but have no parents to look after them to have a better life; money that could have been spent on sex education or free contraceptives helping to avoid unwanted pregnancies and future abortions.
I believe that the decision to abort within the legal framework is a private matter and should not be questioned in glossy but manipulative ads – aired at prime time to the nation. This is not a small matter – it is war. War between the “pro choice” promoters and the “pro life” fanatics. The problem is that some followers of the “pro life” team fight with their war with lethal weapons. Adverts are one weapon, guns are another.
It is absurd that in the name of the “pro-life” movement all but one US doctor performing late abortions due to medical reasons have been shot and killed. Eight doctors have been killed and there has already been an attempt to kill Dr. Warren Hern, the last doctor in the US doing this work. He operates within the law – yet he can only do his work behind bulletproof doors, shadowed by armed bodyguards and has to live in fear that he is next.
Choose Family, Choose life? I say choose freedom to decide what you think is best for you and your fetus without being blackmailed by conservative and religious guilt trips.