Down And Out/No Angel

I just got back from the beach. I was filming seagulls in the sunset for my angel scene. I need to believe that this scene is still going to happen. But it might not – after Cicciolino pulled out of his role 48 hours before the shoot. We were supposed to film tomorrow. The conditions are perfect. In England we are having an Indian summer with a golden sunlight and pink sunsets and wispy clouds right now. The location, crew and performers were booked and after weeks waiting for the right weather it has finally come, we were all rearing to go.

I spoke to Cicciolino only a few days ago to check we are still on and all is OK. He told me he was looking forward to the shoot and I booked his manicure and bought him some underwear and army boots.

When I asked him about his “Ex” girlfriend he said that they are not seeing each other right now and even if they did, he would still be up for the filming and I could definitely count on him. Then he phoned me the following day sounding shifty and vague. He said his girlfriend (rather than “ex” girlfriend… I now have a feeling that they were together all along and he simply did neither tell her nor me the truth) has bought them tickets for a trip to Spain over the weekend and so he can’t do the shoot.

I was speechless. He was not even apologising for letting the crew, performers and me down with very short notice but tried to talk his way out of the situation he created by feeling sorry for himself. Based on past experiences with Cicciolino I do feel that this is going to happen again and again. I simply can not afford to work with someone who is letting me and the team down. So I told him that I will not consider booking him in the future. Ciccolino was the one with big porn star ambitions. He does not realise that it requires reliability, hard work and commitment to be successful in this business. If he had broken the contract at a big commercial porn production he could be sued now. Because I am a small, independent producer, some people think they can mess me around and it really upsets me. It is so hard to organise everything all over again from scratch. If one element changes, the whole shoot tumbles like a deck of cards. I have no idea where I will get a new performer now at such short notice. And even if I find one, I need to find a day when everyone is available at the same time, the location is free and the sun will shine. Wish me luck.


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