Standing in the spotlight, the flash lights going off and holding an award whilst people are applauding – I am not going to lie to you: it IS the best feeling in the world ! I can not believe it quite yet – Female Fantasies has won the award for the best “soft” Film at the Barcelona Erotic Film Festival. I am still buzzing 48 hours later. High on endorphins. The last time I felt as high as this, I had done a parachute jump from 14.000 feet. On the plane back home I was listening to Diana Ross “I’m coming out, I want the world to know, got to let it show ! There is a new me coming out and I just have to live, I am completely positive !” and could not stop smiling – high above the clouds into the sunset. One of those moments to remember and cherish forever.
It is the winning that counts because it makes you realize that it was all worth it: to spend five months working day and night, borrowing 30 grand from the bank to finance the film, taking out more money to pay for the flight and accommodation in Barcelona. It all comes down to this point: holding the solid bronze award in my hand with the biggest smile in my heart.
Plush red carpets, black balloons, a champagne reception, flash video presentations, nouvelle cuisine dinner…the FICEB awards party was the real deal. Like an erotic Oscar celebration. I was glad I bumped into Giles and Alexander the guys who run the heat gay line at Private – they invited me to their table in the front row. Their being sociable really helped. My heart was beating fast because I was so nervous and it was nerve wracking not to know anybody there not to speak Spanish very well and not to know if I would win. The guys managed to calm me down so that when I was called on stage to collect my award, I was able to enjoy the moment and shine!
Being a pioneer with my work the first challenge was to convince the professional buyers to stock my films. It was incredibly hard to convince them that yes there is a market for artistic, creative and female friendly erotic films. And against all odds my independent films do sell. So to receive an industry award is more valuable than money to me because it means that the adult industry is acknowledging my creative and sensual approach in making porn film for women rather than just celebrating films that are based on a tried and tested formulas. I do feel that I helped to pave the path for other female filmmakers too. When I published Sexual Sushi four years ago, who would have thought that this year for the first time there will be a new category at the Venus Award in Berlin for female hard-core porn ? So next Thursday the Venus industry award will happen in Berlin: Female Fantasies is nominated. Wish me luck – being an independent without the backing of a major distribution company this award would mean a lot to me.