Top Ten Porn Peeves

People are always asking what I’ve got against most mainstream porn, and what makes my films different to the rest of it. Well, without further ado allow me to introduce my top ten porn peeves: ten things you see in porn that really bug me, and that you will never see in any of my films!

10. Horrible sets
Some porn sets are just grim: stained carpets and frayed curtains – a cheap motel room that has seen better days. Many porn sets look like identical (fake) show homes. I like to be visually stimulated by the performers and the general vibe of the location. Most of the time there’s no variety and no atmosphere – just a dull boring studio where people go through the sexual motions, rather than beautiful environment that could stimulate all senses.

9. Bright lighting
Something about that horrible, over-bright lighting makes the performers and their body parts look like slabs of meat. It certainly doesn’t turn me on. Sometimes it is sexier not to see everything and fill in the shadows with your own mind. I have never used a “Pussy light” on top of my camera (to get those all-revealing genital close-ups) and I never will!

8. Spotty bottoms
We all have the odd one, but sometimes it’s nice to get swept away in the romance and decadence of sex rather than the daily realities of it. When I watch porn the last thing I want to see is a spotty bum in high def filling the screen. And there’s nothing like those over-bright lights to show up blemishes and sunbed marks. Concealer, people! Sexual authenticity, yes; Spotty bums, dirty fingernails, wrist watches and socks, no thank you. If it’s not sexy in real life, it’s not hot in porn.

7. Silicone City
I hate the ubiquitousness of plastic surgery in porn. The vast majority of female performers have had it in one form or another, and it creates a totally unrealistic image of what women’s bodies should look like. It also makes me feel uncomfortable to think what pain these women went through to fulfil a clichéd beauty ideal. Scars under boobs as well as breasts that look like giant rock-hard watermelons, duck lips and pillow faces just turn me off.

6. Invisible guys
Male porn performers just seem to be classed as a thing attached to the cock that’s fucking a woman, and so their only requirement seems to be to have a monster cock. The camera angles never seem to show a guy’s face or his hands, back, bum and other attractive body parts that I want to see. Men in commercial porn are just reduced to pumping cocks and balls. Bring on the guy candy!

5. No smiles
One of my favourite things about sex is the suggestive looks as it builds up, ecstatic laughs during orgasm, and intimate giggles and smiles in the afterglow. In lots of porn no one looks like they’re having any fun at all, or actually fancy the person they’re fucking. Sex doesn’t have to be so serious! Experiment, play, smile and just enjoy yourselves. It comes as no surprise that one of the hallmarks of feminist porn is humour.

4. Ass to mouth & pussy
A lot in mainstream porn is geared towards the humiliation (rather than satisfaction) of the woman, aka “slut”. If she wants it, she will get punished and treated like dirt. Part of this ritual humiliation is the ass to mouth or -vagina practice without using and changing condoms. Who wants to suck a cock that has just seconds before delved into a bum? It is not the best taste and can give the receiver a serious bacterial infection.

3. Fake orgasms
They’re really not convincing anyone, are they!? The continuous frozen stare by the female performers into the camera whilst they are meant to be on the brink of ecstasy is just odd. And so are endless verbal affirmations that she is gonna come, gonna come, gonna comeeeeeeeee! But not just female orgasms are often faked in commercial porn. The male orgasm and ejaculation seems so crucial in mainstream porn that often they’ve got to “fake it to make it”. Sometimes they cut from the wide shot of a guy pumping to the close-up of an ejaculating cock – but this cock is attached to balls with a different colour of pubes than the ones we saw in the wide shot. This is called a “stunt cock”. Often they use just fake cum too (created by a mixture of hair conditioner/lube and water), especially in “cream pies” (cum oozing out of the pussy) shots.

2. Porn cunnilingus
It lasts about three seconds and the guys seem to be imitating a giraffe stretching its tongue out for a leaf. Are they afraid to get their lips wet? We just don’t see enough hot cunnilingus and way too many blow- jobs for my liking in porn. I love showing women being licked to orgasms, preferably by more than one person…In The Female Voyeur I showed a woman being licked by two guys simultaneously until she had multiple orgasms until her body was shaking all over – I would like to see more of this kind of cunnilingus passion in lots of porn.

1. Facial cum shots
My ultimate porn peeve! Sure, some people have a thing about cum, but collectively porn has made it seem like every male orgasm has to be directed all over a woman’s face. A lot of women don’t like it as it’s often designed to be humiliating for women (especially when he shoots straight into her eyes and it stings like hell!). Facials are made to seem like they are an expected part of sex and the one and only end to every sex scene in porn. As if all that matters is that he has come. As long as she has received his cum all is well. Cut. End of story. Who cares if she has come? I love shooting shared internal orgasms and often show faces rather than genitals during orgasm, because I find that more intimate and hot and an endless ejaculation show.

What are your pet porn hates? Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments below!

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