Petra's Blog
A unique insight into the day-to-day life of Petra Joy as she chronicles the fun, frolics and frustrations of an independent female porn producer.
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Firewood
Posted: 29 July 2008
Last night I had a fire in my garden just after sunset. All the wood burnt was from driftwood I had gathered on the beach earlier. There is something magical about simple pleasures that money can't buy. If a pleasure costs nothing, it sets you free. It gives you time that you would otherwise have to be spent working, earning money to afford things. Of course it took time to collect the bags and bags of driftwood and it made my arms as heavy as lead but I really enjoyed gathering a resource with no currency needed but my time. There was something else I realised last night looking into my fire and I could not stop smiling: It was the first weekend I have had off in years. Of course I have had weekends but for years I have not had 48 hours off work. I have always worked at last half a day. In the past five years there has never ever been a weekend when I would not have checked and responded to my emails.
Because I love my work I often forget to just live.
So it is a new and happy sensation to not work for a few days. Close the office, leave the house. They sell signs that say "Gone fishing" they should do one "Gone Foraging" Because when I am not collecting driftwood on the beach I can usually be found on a sunny day at the roaming "pick your own farm" where I fill my mouth and baskets with raspberries, blackberries and strawberries. There is always a different crop ready and I walk away with baskets full of carrots, beetroot, cabbage, Broccoli, cauliflower, onions paying only a few quid.
It is really satisfying to cook and enjoy food that I picked myself only a couple of hours ago. It is a little bit closer to the dream of self sufficiency I have. One day I will live in a big house with my very own beehive, goats and chickens, surrounded by 10 acres of land. Dream on.
It's nice to dream for a while and stop banging my head against a brick wall. I had to do that. "Feeling it!" my new and if the critics are to be quoted so far best film is only selling very slowly. The sales are so slow that unless a miracle happens, it is very unlikely that I will invest into another erotic film this year. So now it is time for plan B: I will keep on working on my book ideas and my documentary on female pornographers and enjoy this amazing summer that has finally arrived in the UK. And I try not to feel guilty that I am not in front of the computer or behind the camera for twelve hours of more every day. It is like the lyrics of the song "Firewood" from one of my favourite singer-songwriters, Martha Tilston:
"I may be gone for a while; I must go away for a while - collecting firewood.
When I return my arms will be full. When I return my arms will be full of firewood."
Without firewood there would be no fire. I realised this just in time. This is not a time for pushing but flowing. And I can feel it already: the whisper of happiness in my mind. It is nice to be rather than to want to have and just enjoy a summer's day and swim in the sea.
